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JACQUIE ADAMS My Successes and the Foundation that was laid for them I am a woman who entered into Tsow-Tun Le Lum (Helping House) Treatment Program on June 26th, 1988, a soul-weary, tired, confused victim of my history. This was Tsow-Tun le Lum's very first group. My history included a somewhat normal childhood being raised in a small isolated aboriginal community on the west coast of Vancouver Island. I witnessed domestic violence in my immediate and extended family, and the abuse of intoxicants. At age six I was taken to Christie Indian Residential School where my torments began. At age thirteen, my first experiences with alcohol. At age 15, abuse in a "boarding home", authorized by the government. At age 15 my first blackout, and quitting high school. Ages sixteen through nineteen, more experiences with different intoxicants and life in downtown Vancouver. I entered my first abusive relationship at nineteen, which lasted 10 years and produced my saving grace - my two children Jeannine, now age 24 and Jake, age 20. (In 1988, they were 4 and 8). During the abusive relationship, I suffered from periods where suicide was my best friend and depression my constant companion, alcohol, my favourite escape. I didn't know or understand what was going on with me. After a particularly frightening incident, in April of '88 and after about 7 charges against my abusive husband, I chose to have him escorted out of my life (by the police) and began to rebuild a new life. After careful reflection, on my part, encouraged by an informal women's lunch group, which consisted of 6-7 women who experienced domestic violence and homework of journal writing, I noticed that alcohol figured into all my reconciliations when reflecting on my journal. It did not always figure into the explosions of rage by the offender, but it certainly weakened my resolve to stay away. I desperately wanted a change. I had a beautiful eight year old daughter and four year old son that I was responsible for. I did not want her or him to begin the domestic violence dance and cycle and I wanted a better world for them. I also wanted to rise out of the wreckage of my past and become something. Becoming something also meant becoming engaged in the pursuit of higher learning. I entered college in September of 1988, one month after I left treatment. I did some research and discovered Tsow-Tun le Lum was opening in June and immediately with the help of the local NNADAP Counsellor, jumped through the paper hoops to enter into treatment. I cannot say that I haven't looked back. I know today that my history is integral to my sense of being, who I am and wills shape my future. I need to reflect back and review my life like I did so many years ago with my journaling. There are many lessons back there that I cannot forget., My history also provides me with empathy when I voluntarily 12th step someone in need. My experiences provide me with a connection that cannot be reflected back to a victim by a person clear of the experiences. Tsow-Tun le Lum (TTLL) is also a major part of my history. In that first session in 1988, I learned about my addictions and the use I had for it to escape from some horrid realities. I was patiently taught by a skilled group counsellor about addictions and skilled evening and night counsellors about our aboriginal history and colonization and its impacts on who I had become and some of the reasons why. A foundation of life-skills, in the way of communication skills, problem solving skills, assertiveness skills, self analysis skills that were based in critical reflection instead of the beatings that I mentally gave myself, was patiently laid out over the six weeks. This session helped me to pick up the pieces of my life and see that I was truly worth something, that I truly had purpose and that I was somebody worth loving. I would return to TTLL for two more, three-week refreshers in the following years. These two refreshers solidified the foundation that was laid and enhanced my self-esteem just a bit more. Today, some may say that I am "an empowered Aboriginal Woman who stands tall and proud in her teachings and her identity", and some may say that I am a royal pain because of my rigorous honesty, strength and ability to "shoot from the hip" or "tell it like it is." Some people really like the person that I have become and some people don't. Today, 2004, I am productive and those companions and best friends of 1988, suicide, depression and alcohol? They are behind me. I remember them with some fond kind of poignant pain. They are experiences that I had and I can no more get rid of them than I can the moles on my face or my ugly big toe. Those friends will live in my memory - always. They just don't control me any more. I can learn from other people's pain now and thank people for going out and doing research in their relapses for me, in an empathic way. I don't need alcohol, suicide and depression as constant companions anymore. TTLL taught me the skills necessary to be able to survive today. And I am forever grateful. Today, still 2004, I have completed a BSW at the University of Victoria (1996). I am shy 9 UVIC credits for a BA in English (6 courses - only). I am also in process at Royal Roads University for an MA in Conflict Analysis and Management. I have been constantly in the labour force and either studying or working since 1988 treatment. I currently work with my home community - in Ahousaht. I have worked with all levels of government since leaving treatment, Nuu-chah-nulth, provincial and federal. I have assisted in giving training sessions on alcohol and drug prevention programs across Canada. I gave two and a half years to raising awareness about domestic violence and youth suicide issues within my territories. I volunteer and contribute in as many ways as I can back to society and constantly reflect on and find ways to make improvements in life here at home and to make contributions back to the community. More reason for gratitude. My goals on leaving treatment were, as I recall,
In June 2004 I will have achieved 16 years of sobriety and personal growth. I take on the responsibility of role-modelling to newcomers to recovery and sobriety seriously. I also remind myself that I was the first woman to complete the program at Tsow-Tun le Lum; it provides me with incentive to continue with growth and recovery. My recovery is a daily task of constant reflection and kindly self analysis, utilizing skills learned at the place that helped me to lay a solid foundation for me to eventually become a contributing member of an Aboriginal society, a role model to some and a pain to others. I owe a debt of gratitude for the foundation of recovery that was provided to me by Tsow-Tun le Lum, the helping house. Today, I continue to verbally refer people to TTLL. I still hold high regard for the contribution that TTLL made to my recovery, my sobriety and my growth. And today I still honk my horn each time I pass the turn off in Nanoose - my mental check point reminding me of where I came from and all the potentials that I can be. TTLL. I hold my hands up to you! Hytchka Siem! and Kleco!
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